Relationships are an important part of our lives. Having good relationships with our friends and family and the interaction with other people is one of the things that make life interesting and fun. When issues or problems come up in a relationship, many of us will look for some good relationship advice.
There is no shortage of relationship advice out there today. There are tv and radio shows, websites, online forums, books, and magazines which all claim to have the answers to your relationship problems. Some of them do give out solid and useful advice, while some are merely in it for the money. Be very careful who you listen to.
Let me give you one piece of relationship advice here. I hope you take it to heart and use it:
Don’t compromise your deeply felt beliefs for another person. It will completely ruin your relationship.
You may be wondering what I mean by that, so let me explain. Relationships will have a certain amount of give and take involved. There are going to be times when a sacrifice or compromise is necessary to help resolve a situation. So there will be times when we accept what the other person wants, even though we don’t feel it’s the best solution.
We all have a certain set of deeply held core values. They are there, even if you are not completely aware of them. These are the things you believe are just wrong and that you would ‘never’ do. For example, vegetarians have certain things they just don’t eat. For them, this is a non-negotiable adjustment. Other people might feel that having sexual activities with people outside of their primary relationship is wrong. This is one of their non-negotiable items.
What happens to the relationship when the limits of what’s acceptable get blurred or broken? Perhaps someone asks you to cross the line and they are very persistent about it. You have two choices here, compromise your values or end the relationship. If you decide to cross the line and compromise, you are actually choosing to end the relationship anyway.
Compromising a core value is going to make you very angry with the person who insisted on the compromise. You will also be angry with yourself. You are going to feel as if your values and opinions don’t matter at all to them. The hurt and anger you will feel is going to destroy the relationship. So both of you lose.
Let me leave you with one last bit of relationship advice. Stick to your guns when it comes to your core values. Anyone who tries to badger you or talk you into doing things you know are wrong for you doesn’t have your best interests at heart anyway. They are being selfish. Someone who truly cares for you will be able to accept a ‘no’ answer if means that much to you.
Showing posts with label relationship advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship advice. Show all posts
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Got Relationship Problems? - How To Solve Relationship Problems
Once in a while, I hear someone say they never have fights or problems in their relationship. My thoughts are that they must be in a relationship with a floor lamp or something! Any time you have two people with different needs and desires, there is gonna be relationship problems! Relationship problems come in two main categories, those that can be solved, and those that can’t be solved.
The type of relationship problems that are solvable usually center around the needs that each of you has in a relationship. A need that is left unmet will cause relationship problems.
Emotional needs are based on what you need from the relationship in order to feel loved. Functional needs are the things you need to have so that your life ‘works’ while you are in this relationship.
Meeting each other’s needs is an important part of a relationship. The good news is that needs can be somewhat negotiable and there are many ways to meet a need. A little honest communication between partners can go a long way towards getting you and your partner on the path to happiness and steer you away from relationship problems.
Whether you know it or not all of us have certain ‘requirements’ in a relationship.
These requirements are not negotiable in the least and if these required aspects are not present in the relationship, it is not going to work over the long haul. You may not even be aware of what your particular non-negotiable items are, but they are there.
An easy example of a ‘requirement’ would be children. If one of you wants children and the other one doesn’t, the relationship is going to have issues! You would be foolish to try to be anything more than friends.
The relationship problems come in when we try to tell ourselves that the ‘requirements’ are not that important after all. We tell ourselves all kinds of rational lies and hope that things will change down the road. Guess what? It won’t. Don’t put yourself in a position where you know the relationship isn’t going to work. It won’t do either of you any favors.
The type of relationship problems that are solvable usually center around the needs that each of you has in a relationship. A need that is left unmet will cause relationship problems.
Emotional needs are based on what you need from the relationship in order to feel loved. Functional needs are the things you need to have so that your life ‘works’ while you are in this relationship.
Meeting each other’s needs is an important part of a relationship. The good news is that needs can be somewhat negotiable and there are many ways to meet a need. A little honest communication between partners can go a long way towards getting you and your partner on the path to happiness and steer you away from relationship problems.
Whether you know it or not all of us have certain ‘requirements’ in a relationship.
These requirements are not negotiable in the least and if these required aspects are not present in the relationship, it is not going to work over the long haul. You may not even be aware of what your particular non-negotiable items are, but they are there.
An easy example of a ‘requirement’ would be children. If one of you wants children and the other one doesn’t, the relationship is going to have issues! You would be foolish to try to be anything more than friends.
The relationship problems come in when we try to tell ourselves that the ‘requirements’ are not that important after all. We tell ourselves all kinds of rational lies and hope that things will change down the road. Guess what? It won’t. Don’t put yourself in a position where you know the relationship isn’t going to work. It won’t do either of you any favors.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Why Marriages Fail - 5 Reasons Why Marriages Fail
A strong and healthy marriage is a wonderful thing. With at least 50% of all marriages ending in divorce these days, it can also be kind of scary. How can we protect our marriage? Why do marriages fail?
Why Marriages Fail:
Not Trusting Your Partner – If you don’t trust your partner enough to share your thoughts, feelings, and desires, you will see yourselves growing apart. People who don’t trust each other can’t make it because trust is the foundation of a good relationship.
Too Hectic A Lifestyle -We are all too busy nowadays. The demands of our crazy schedules leaves a huge hole in the time we should be with our spouse. If this continues it will take a large toll on the relationship. Over time, one or both spouses may start to feel neglected or unwanted.
Bad Attitude Problems - Does someone have an attitude problem that needs to be adjusted? Do you always have to be right, or always have to have the final word? Are you one of those people who just nitpick every little thing? Are you selfish, greedy, whiny, or are you annoying? Do you tease in a hurtful way? Can you never admit when you’re wrong? If so, you have some work to do. A lot of relationships break up because of attitude problems like these. Work on correcting them before you lose your spouse.
Little/No Physical Intimacy – Being physically intimate isn’t just about sex. Problems or issues can be worked around so that both partners will still be able to feel physically intimate with each other. Lack of intimacy is an enormous relationship killer. Everyone needs a little romance now and again.
Arguing About Money – Money issues come up in every marriage. When there is a lack of money, you feel the financial pressure of trying to pay bills with not enough income. If there is abundance of money, the focus may center on how the money is saved or spent.
Any way you slice it, there is bound to be conflict at one time or another. The key is to communicate and develop a plan before the issues develop.
These are just a few of the reasons why marriages fail. Being aware that these are potential problems can help you lessen the effect they have on your marriage.
Why Marriages Fail:
Not Trusting Your Partner – If you don’t trust your partner enough to share your thoughts, feelings, and desires, you will see yourselves growing apart. People who don’t trust each other can’t make it because trust is the foundation of a good relationship.
Too Hectic A Lifestyle -We are all too busy nowadays. The demands of our crazy schedules leaves a huge hole in the time we should be with our spouse. If this continues it will take a large toll on the relationship. Over time, one or both spouses may start to feel neglected or unwanted.
Bad Attitude Problems - Does someone have an attitude problem that needs to be adjusted? Do you always have to be right, or always have to have the final word? Are you one of those people who just nitpick every little thing? Are you selfish, greedy, whiny, or are you annoying? Do you tease in a hurtful way? Can you never admit when you’re wrong? If so, you have some work to do. A lot of relationships break up because of attitude problems like these. Work on correcting them before you lose your spouse.
Little/No Physical Intimacy – Being physically intimate isn’t just about sex. Problems or issues can be worked around so that both partners will still be able to feel physically intimate with each other. Lack of intimacy is an enormous relationship killer. Everyone needs a little romance now and again.
Arguing About Money – Money issues come up in every marriage. When there is a lack of money, you feel the financial pressure of trying to pay bills with not enough income. If there is abundance of money, the focus may center on how the money is saved or spent.
Any way you slice it, there is bound to be conflict at one time or another. The key is to communicate and develop a plan before the issues develop.
These are just a few of the reasons why marriages fail. Being aware that these are potential problems can help you lessen the effect they have on your marriage.
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