Once in a while, I hear someone say they never have fights or problems in their relationship. My thoughts are that they must be in a relationship with a floor lamp or something! Any time you have two people with different needs and desires, there is gonna be relationship problems! Relationship problems come in two main categories, those that can be solved, and those that can’t be solved.
The type of relationship problems that are solvable usually center around the needs that each of you has in a relationship. A need that is left unmet will cause relationship problems.
Emotional needs are based on what you need from the relationship in order to feel loved. Functional needs are the things you need to have so that your life ‘works’ while you are in this relationship.
Meeting each other’s needs is an important part of a relationship. The good news is that needs can be somewhat negotiable and there are many ways to meet a need. A little honest communication between partners can go a long way towards getting you and your partner on the path to happiness and steer you away from relationship problems.
Whether you know it or not all of us have certain ‘requirements’ in a relationship.
These requirements are not negotiable in the least and if these required aspects are not present in the relationship, it is not going to work over the long haul. You may not even be aware of what your particular non-negotiable items are, but they are there.
An easy example of a ‘requirement’ would be children. If one of you wants children and the other one doesn’t, the relationship is going to have issues! You would be foolish to try to be anything more than friends.
The relationship problems come in when we try to tell ourselves that the ‘requirements’ are not that important after all. We tell ourselves all kinds of rational lies and hope that things will change down the road. Guess what? It won’t. Don’t put yourself in a position where you know the relationship isn’t going to work. It won’t do either of you any favors.
3 comments:
If you spend 24/7 with a girlfriend than it is understandable that she feels encroached upon. If she has given up all her old friends and no longer goes out with any friends at all, because her relationship with you takes all her time.
I agree Bailee, I often tell my girlfriends not to be so wrapped up in their relationship that they let their girlfriends slide. Friendships are important, and lots of fun!
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